Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Operation Purity has been aborted
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
