it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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