the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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