how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
