OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
