I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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