Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
