Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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