Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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