Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
