I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
