we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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