i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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