At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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