I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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