you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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