He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
