I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
