so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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