I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
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on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
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I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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