i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We have started to decorate penises.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Dicks are not precious.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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