I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
