roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Floor bacon is actually really good
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
