im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
