tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
