By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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