I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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