im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
