I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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