I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
