whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
