You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
