dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
