hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
