I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
