I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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