sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
