You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
