This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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