The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
