I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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