5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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