Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
