I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
