I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
