That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
