Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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