He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
