my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
