Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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