The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
