There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
