your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
