It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
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Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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