you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
A bitchslap is in order.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
