like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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