So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
