I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
no you cant smoke seaweed
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
