Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
