I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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