Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
