idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
