Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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