I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
