well I can't set my house on fire every night
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
