Princesses don't give blow jobs
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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