I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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