We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
