I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
