Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
im holly from the hills drunk
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My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
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Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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