Where is the hickey?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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