vagina is talking i cant
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
