I could make wine with my vomit
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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