Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
