this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
