Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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