i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
