the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Well I just put wine in my tea
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
