i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
