hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
