Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
