My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
